Parenting in a disposable age: confusion, concern and a Christian response

When I observe the attitudes towards parenting and having children among my peers and in wider society, I am increasingly confused. And I don’t think I’m alone.

It seems our culture no longer has a clear understanding of what to make of the role of parents or how to view children. Questions rage over whether the earth is overpopulated and having children is draining its resources. Other corners warn of the catastrophic collapse in birth rates and the economic and social disaster it will create.

Laws are passed that make it possible for a mother to end the life of her unborn child at any stage (in effect, a DIY abortion) with no legal ramifications, yet in England, bereaved parents who lose a baby before 24 weeks of pregnancy can now receive a certificate acknowledging their loss and the painful experience of miscarriage.

The contradictions are not confined to policy or debates in the public square. There are more podcasts on raising children and books offering parenting advice than we know what to do with. Parents, particularly in the middle classes, are often overwhelmed with guidance on feeding, sleep routines, discipline strategies, and approaches to emotional regulation. Extracurricular activities demand increasing amounts of time and money, while many parents are adopting a more ‘helicopter’ approach or what some are calling a ‘culture of safetyism’: tracking their children’s location, closely monitoring their lives, and being nervous of letting their kids play and explore outdoors without supervision.

Yet despite this concern for safety and wellbeing, it will come as no surprise to anyone keeping tabs on what’s going on with young people that children in our nation are not happy. 

In fact, they seem to be at crisis point.

A generation in crisis

In 2025, the UK ranked 21st out of 36 countries for child wellbeing. It fell into the bottom third for mental health (27th). Teenage life satisfaction was particularly concerning, with the UK ranking joint second lowest. Between 2020/21 and 2022/23, mental health referrals for children and young people rose by over 50%, and among those aged 10–24, mental health conditions now make up around 45% of the total disease burden, with suicide sadly the second leading cause of death.¹

Not only this, but children’s health and development seem to have taken a backwards turn. School readiness is in sharp decline. In late 2025, nearly half of teachers surveyed by charity Kindred Square felt the problem was worsening, with particular worries around toileting, deteriorating social skills, and excessive screen use among preschoolers. Many teachers reported children arriving at school without the basic life skills needed to engage with learning, such as being unable to use books properly, even trying to swipe pages like a screen! Over a quarter of children start primary school still in nappies.² This is something I have sadly had corroborated by primary colleagues across the UK.

You can see why I’m perplexed. Parenting and raising children appear to be analysed to death and idolised in some quarters, yet strangely ineffective or undervalued in others.

Be fruitful and ‘increase in number’?

One outworking of this strange contradiction is that fewer couples are actually having children, and those who do are having less of them. The UK faces a ‘shortage’ of children, with the average birth rate having fallen to around 1.4 children per woman,³ well below the 2.1 needed to sustain the population.

Political commentators on both the left and right often seem at a loss, not wanting to mention cultural and political shifts as a cause. In particular they steer away from discussing the impact of the feminist movement on delaying or rejecting parenthood. Instead, most point to current financial pressures and the cost of living as a key reason couples feel less able to start a family.

As legitimate as economic factors may be, it can become an easy ‘get-out clause’. When we make historical comparisons of disposable income and real living standards, it doesn’t seem to fully address the issue – especially when we think of birth rates in the 1950s and 60s. And when we compare this to less wealthy nations with significantly higher birth rates, the explanation does not fully stand up to scrutiny.

Having and raising children is central to God’s design for human flourishing. Yet, for the first time in history, birth rates are falling to the point where societies are no longer replacing themselves.

So fewer children are being born, and when they are, they are less happy, developmentally needier, demonstrating poorer behaviour at school and at home, and less likely to flourish as they enter adulthood.

And I don’t think this crisis our culture is experiencing with regard to children is simply an education issue, nor just the lingering impact of Covid on a generation born at the ‘wrong time’. It is not even primarily a crisis of parenting or cost of living. At its root, I believe this is something much deeper: it is a spiritual issue.

There is a lack of biblical framing for the way our culture views children, and for the role and responsibility that parents have. That may seem an obvious observation about the world “out there”. But is it also, at times, true within our churches?

Ultimately, we need to ask: what value do children have, who do they belong to, and who is responsible for them? Are they simply part of a cost–benefit calculation, or are they to be received as a gift from God?

The commodification of children

We should not be surprised that children are often viewed in terms of the value they bring to their parents’ lives – if, of course, they are born at the ‘right time’ and into the ‘right circumstances’. A highly individualistic culture will inevitably commodify children.

Even where we would refrain from endorsing the evils of abortion, Christians are not immune from this framing of children as ‘adding or removing value’ from their lives, even if unconsciously.

I remember worrying about ‘the right time’ to have children. Would I be able to pick up my career again? Would we have enough income to maintain our lifestyle? When could we go on our first holiday abroad? What if my baby didn’t sleep through the night? How would I work a feeding schedule to ensure my plans for the day would run smoothly? Would I have to give up my evening commitments like choir practice and running club?

You see, I had unconsciously bought into the assumptions of society: that being a parent was first and foremost about my needs, my desires, and my lifestyle; that having a baby was a good thing to do if it enriched my life and didn’t impinge too much on my freedoms.

This is in stark contrast to what the Bible teaches. The Bible repeatedly speaks of children as inherent blessings. One of the first commands given to men and women is to be fruitful and multiply (Gen. 1:28). Later, in the book of Psalms, we are told that “children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him” (Ps. 127:3).

Scripture never says that children are a blessing only if you have good childcare or can afford multiple holidays each year. Nor does it say they are a gift only if they enjoy perfect health or won’t place excessive demands on their caregivers.

The posture society encourages us to take flies in the face of the Bible’s instruction to deny ourselves (Luke 9:23), to lose our life (Matt. 16:25), to look to the interests of others (Philippians 2:4), and to take up our cross (Matt. 16:24).

What’s more, Jesus beautifully affirms the inherent dignity of children when he welcomes them, takes them in his arms, lays his hands on them, and blesses them.

God’s view of children is high. Society treats them as a commodity.

Children as ‘units of the state’?

‘Units of the state’ may sound alarmist, but the increasing outsourcing of parenting, particularly to state institutions, is something that should give us pause. A biblical understanding of parental responsibility does not include an ever-widening role for the state. While government has a legitimate function in protecting the most vulnerable, the vast majority of children are best cared for under the authority of their own parents. Nowhere is this tension more clearly seen than in education.

The concept of in loco parentis is something that every teacher will be familiar with. Under the Children Act 1989, schools have a duty of care towards pupils, traditionally described in these terms. Teachers are expected to act as a reasonable parent would in safeguarding a child’s welfare and safety. The idea dates back to the 19th century, when case law first established that a teacher should act “as a prudent father.”

It is a good principle, and one that Christian parents, along with the rest of society, should give thanks for. Many teachers have been on the frontline of meeting genuine unmet needs – feeding children who have not eaten breakfast for the fifth day in a row, washing clothes, and caring for pupils who arrive unkempt. I saw this profound need in one of the schools I taught in, where certain students would be quietly given clean uniform each week and have their hair combed for lice on a regular basis.

But let’s not forget that the need itself is tragic. It means something has gone wrong. And it leads to state intervention that is not simply benign or protective of the most vulnerable, but can begin to erode the relationship between every parent and child.

Whole-class mental health initiatives, teachers changing nappies, and schools supervising toothbrushing all point to a widening remit for schools. This raises an important question, particularly for us as Christians: does national policy begin to view children primarily as wards of the state? If so, it risks undermining the family’s God-given role.

One example is the government’s introduction of free universal breakfast clubs, which are part of a broader shift towards channelling support for children and families through schools. We must not be naive about the realities many families face. A total of 1.9 million children were found to be in deep material poverty, meaning their families cannot afford the essentials they need to live like food and heating.⁴ And over a quarter of primary teachers report personally buying food for hungry pupils. Yet the wider move towards universal provision is telling. The gradual erosion of something as simple as the family breakfast, alongside policies framed around ‘saving parents time’ (though in reality enabling more hours in work), points to what I think is a troubling shift in priorities.

Alongside this, the expansion of free childcare for working parents of children as young as nine months raises further questions. Even those strongly committed to workplace equality may ask whether such policies are primarily shaped by the needs of such a young baby, or by national economic imperatives.

These things may feel like the thin end of the wedge, but God’s word reminds us that children are entrusted to parents, who are called to nurture, instruct, and guide them (Ps. 127:3). While many children in state schools will not come from Christian homes, the principle still stands: parents have the primary responsibility for raising the next generation, and schools, and the state, should support, not seek to replace or redefine that role.

Grace for a complex reality

Perhaps the state stepping in where parents have stepped back is less the root problem and more symptomatic of a deeper disorder. This is not an isolated issue. Rising family breakdown, a weakening sense of community, shifting attitudes towards motherhood, and the economic pressures that often require both parents to work all contribute to the context in which schools and the state are now operating. These trends reflect a society that has, in many ways, moved away from God’s good design.

I am also aware of the temptation to speak from something of an ivory tower. I am blessed beyond measure. My husband is godly and wise, a great father, and our children are, by God’s kindness, generally easy. I was fortunate to spend much of my time at home with them when they were young. Our wider family and church family is also supportive and generous, and we enjoy strong relationships all round. This is a blessing. I know it is easy to appear detached from the complexity and pain that many families face, and to draw overly simple conclusions. Much grace is needed as we handle these issues.

But when we look at the realities surrounding educational outcomes, wellbeing, and opportunity, it becomes increasingly clear that the context in which a child is raised matters profoundly. Instability in the home is consistently linked with poorer outcomes in education, mental health, and long-term life chances. This is where the ‘rubber hits the road’ in understanding the impact of diverging from God’s good design for family life.

The church’s calling

The church has a responsibility to show the world that children are an inherent blessing. They are not a ‘burden’ or something to be ‘managed’, but gifts from God, even when it isn’t easy. We need to be ‘talking up’ this blessing: extolling the riches of family life in the day-to-day bustle and messiness. That doesn’t mean minimising the work involved in parenting (or pretending we don’t need a good dose of humour to help us through!), but it does mean viewing children as blessings from God to be nurtured and valued. It also means inviting others in the church to share in the blessing of family life, particularly those who may not naturally be able to experience it.

Is this attitude reflected in the way we speak about children in our churches? Do we encourage those who have adult children or no children to come alongside our younger members through formal and informal teaching, friendship, and discipleship? Do we make clear connections between our theology of personhood, the imago Dei, and our approach to abortion and adoption? Do we actively support mothers facing unplanned pregnancies? Do we receive those with challenging home lives in our churches with an extra measure of grace? Do we rejoice when babies are born – or do we quietly roll our eyes when larger families announce another pregnancy?

Perhaps one of the greatest temptations for middle-class Christians is inadvertently adopting the idea that children are a project – that their output and achievements must be maximised, their hobbies curated, their academic success prioritised, as though successful outcomes are what really make parenting ‘worthwhile’.

The church’s task, then, is to teach clearly what it means to be parents: that children are entrusted to them yet ultimately belong to God; that the family is a God-given institution which cannot be replaced by the state; and that parenting is an act of stewardship, not simply a lifestyle choice. 

Churches must also resist language or practices that sideline parents from the discipleship of their own children. There is a real danger that even effective youth work and children’s ministries begin to replace parents, rather than support and serve them, in their role of teaching and discipling.

Nurturing a Biblical vision

Parenting deserves honour; it is a high calling. But at the same time, it is something that, with the right support, is an immense joy and something we are well equipped to do. As Christians, we must reaffirm the goodness and weight of motherhood and fatherhood. We must advocate against the commodification of children. We must actively work to show the value of each tiny life.  If we don’t, who will? Schools and the state can never compensate for the erosion of family life. Engineering circumstances to ensure the ‘perfect’ environment for raising ‘perfect’ children will never succeed – we will always be disappointed. But the Bible’s teaching – that children are a blessing not a burden – frees us to accept his gift to us, however imperfect it may be.

Christians can be confident that God’s good design for families not only helps society to flourish and function (though it does), but also communicates something of his loving, relational nature. Family is a key part of his gracious plan for humanity, and the reminder that every child is known, valued, and lovingly formed by God reveals something of his tender heart for every child. 

1. ‘Children’s wellbeing in world’s wealthiest countries took sharp turn for the worse in wake of COVID-19 pandemic’, Unicef, https://www.unicef.org.uk/press-releases/uk-joint-second-to-last-for-teenage-life-satisfaction/. ↩︎
2. ‘School Readiness Survey: February 2024’, Kindred,  https://kindredsquared.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/Kindred-Squared-School-Readiness-Report-Infographic-February-2024.pdf. ↩︎
3. ‘Births in England and Wales: 2024’, Office for National Statistics, https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/livebirths/bulletins/birthsummarytablesenglandandwales/2024. ↩︎
4. ‘Nearly two children in every classroom relying on food banks: “A national emergency”‘, Big Issue, https://www.bigissue.com/news/social-justice/child-poverty-new-dwp-statistics-food-banks/. ↩︎